A Series of Ridiculous Events

This has been one of the craziest weeks I have experienced in a while. Let me lay it out for you...

Day 1 - Tuesday:

I got up on Tuesday morning with the express purpose of getting my car registered and myself licensed in the state of Tennessee. So I go online, find out where the Nashville 'DMV' is located and I head off in my car.

I arrive at the location, only to find out there is construction being done on that building, so I have to go to another location.

I drive to the other location hoping to get my paperwork and directions to an Emissions Testing Facility (ETF for the purposes of the rest of this story). I walk up to the information counter and ask them for paperwork and they tell me that I cannot register my car and get my license at the same location; they are two different places. He hands me directions to the ETF and the Licensing Location and tells me where I can go to get my car registered.

Luckily, the ETF is on my way back to my place and the Vehicle Registration Office (VRO). My car (Beatrice) passes with flying colors at the ETF and I head over to the VRO to continue my quest of being responsible in the state of TN.

After searching for a while I located the office and in ten minutes had my new license plate and registration for Beatrice. Next stop: The Licensing Office (LO).

I drive my half hour over to the LO and realized I had failed to bring 2 proofs of residency with me, so I had to go over to my bank and have them print out a statement so I could go back and get my license.

Upon my return, they accept my forms of identification and so and so and give me a number. 2 hours later my number is called. Everything is going fine until the vision test. I don't have a particularly deft left eye. In fact, my left eye has problems seeing things in HD clarity...or even tube television clarity for that matter. They tell me I have to go to the eye doctor and be examined so they can prove that I am capable to drive without killing people.

I have been through this whole issue once before...in California, but I was hoping it would be different. Oh well.

Day 1 ends.

Day 2 - Wednesday:

This day was basically a day off, because I couldn't get an eye appointment until Thursday. However, that's when I really start to notice the spider bite that is erupting on the side of my neck like Mount Vesuvius. I have since affectionately named him Tom, because I...well...if you know me, you know I name things.

So that was day 2.

Day 3 - Thursday:

There wasn't a whole lot I could do Thursday morning, seeing as how my eye appointment was set for 3:15 that afternoon, so I ran a few errands and then headed over to Costco. I went in, explained to them that I have done this before and they assured me there would be no problem with me getting my license, so I got the a-okay from the eye man and I headed back to the LO.

I arrive, with my paperwork that says I don't have to wait in line because I previously played that game. But here's the kicker: I can't find my passport that was resting comfortably in my car for the sole purpose of assisting me in my license retrieval. So I go in, hoping I can get away with it, because they had written my passport # on the paper already. Snake eyes. No winner.

So I go back out to Beatrice to try and locate my lost passport and call my sisters to see if they happened to have seen my passport when they were in my car. Apparently, my cousin decided it would be great fun to take my passport so I would wonder where it went. Which, under normal circumstances, would have been pretty sneaky and clever, but under these particular circumstances I was not thrilled that they were at the Science Museum with my passport and I was stuck at the LO with no way to get my license.

So they drove down and met me outside of the LO and I went in, with 15 minutes to spare, and finally acquired my driver's license.

Day 3 ends.

Day 4 - Friday (Epilogue):

I was hoping that everything would return to normal today, seeing as how I waded through the refuse of Satan's pit to become a legal resident of Tennessee, but as I was taking the trash out back I feel this terrible pinching sensation on my left shoulder blade. As far as I can tell, a wasp decided it would be a great time to crawl up my shirt and stab me, creating a puffy, white circle that felt like someone was digging into my flesh.

And now I will take a shower and then I will go play poker and after that hopefully I experience a relaxed weekend.

....but who knows....

To be continued?

--Until we meet again--

~Nicho

Life through Breathing

I have been trying to think about something to write. Not that I haven't had a whole lot of topics on my mind, but every time I try and think about something specific to write about it alludes me. I guess this is 'writers block' but it feels more like being whacked upside the head in a very unpleasant manner. The phrasing I would probably come up with would be 'brainwave indigestion'.

It is interesting to me how sometimes I can think of everything to write about and other times I have (seemingly) no brain activity whatsoever. And I end up erasing what I have begun about fifteen times, all the while telling myself it was a stupid idea in the first place.

I guess I will just list the various topics racing through my brain. Maybe something will come of it:

Music
Racism
Grace
Beauty
Peace
Breathing
Life
Relationship
Loneliness
Depth
Vulnerability
Cruelty
Love
Jesus
Purpose
Smiles
Eyes
Accomplishment
Pain
Reputation
Space/Time
Logic
Faith

That is the list of various topics popping in and out of my head. Of course Space/Time is my nerd topic that I am always poking fun at or exploring in greater depth. But that comes out in various venues, and people often look at me as though I beamed down from a Star Trek convention dressed as a Klingon. *Ahem* Anyhow, everything in that list plays a major role in the existence of my thought life.

Here's a question: What role does logic play in faith? I mean, there are certain ides and concepts that are logical, but if we are able to reason them out fully, it would not seem that much space has been left for faith. I look at the various leaps I have taken over the past few months and know that faith was involved in most of them. How logical is it to quit a job before the complete knowledge of having another job? How logical is it to move out to Tennessee on the promise of a job? How logical is it to be pulled to another section of Tennessee when my job will eventually pull me back?

I imagine the words being whispered in my ear are, "Do you trust me?" And if I let myself rest in that question I know that He will take care of me every step of the way. It may not look exactly like I had planned, but the outcome will be far greater than anything I could have created in my mind.

Does this mean I find no meaning in logic? Well, logically I would deduce that because I can touch your face you are standing in front of me. I think logic is a double-edged sword. Logically I should be aware that if two men are rushing toward me with knives they intend me harm. That would seem to be a great area where logic would be necessary. However, logic would say, 'Don't quit your job without knowing what your next job is or where you will be living, etc.' but faith (usually through promptings from God) says, 'Just trust Me. I've got you covered.'

Obviously we were given logic for a reason, but I think it is a fine balance between logic and faith. Logically, this whole rambling mess doesn't make sense, but it is my rambling mess and I am okay with that.

So how about loneliness? Throughout my life I have been told that the loneliness within me is because there is a hole that only God can fill (a God-shaped hole if you will). Well, I don't think He wants to fill a hole in us like a contractor pushing dirt into a post-hole. If I may be extremely cheesy in my thought process here: He doesn't want to fill our hole; He wants to fill our whole. Yeah yeah yeah...cheeseball antics. Oh well.

We were made to be in relationship with one another. That is the only way this whole thing works. Our secrets breed our loneliness. It may not be the only cause, but it definitely is a contributing factor. Secrets have barbed hooks that dig in deeper the longer we hold onto them. By the time we feel completely alienated by the secret we have held onto, the pain is almost too unbearable to handle.

One of the most common misconceptions about secrets and loneliness is the idea of alienation. I must be the only one as effed up as this. There is no way other people are like me. The lies of our self-consciousness invade our rationality and turn it sour. And once it's sour it takes a whole lot to fix the problem.

Another problem I have found that causes us our lonely is lack of vulnerability. We too often confuse weakness with vulnerability. But this then begs the thought process of who to trust. I don't trust very many people with my deep-dark, and that lack of communication/fellowship sinks loneliness into my heart. We have all become so strong and have been told to be 'strong' that when trials come our way we don't want to 'burden' other people with our problems or end up sounding like a 'whiner'.

We rationalize to ourselves the reasons we shut ourselves off from the people who care enough about us to let us be who we need to be at that moment.

I know I do that. 'I just feel like I am constantly whining. Other people have it worse off than me, so I just need to man up. They don't really care about my problems.'

I could keep wandering down this rabbit trail forever, but I will try to cut to the point of it. We can't let our pride dictate our vulnerability. The walls we put up are barriers to keep ourselves in safe havens where nothing can affect us.

Let me try to bring this into a final thought: Loneliness is a self-inflicted state of being, brought on by our unwillingness to participate in a healthy relationship that brings to light all of our dysfunction. Whether it be our secrets or our pride, the things we leave in the dark make us lonely.

Of course there are far deeper thoughts involved with this concept, but maybe that is for another blog...maybe the next blog.

Well, that's what seemed to want to come out today. I hope there was some semblance of order within all the paragraphs. I welcome questions of any kind to create discussion.

Tada...

--Until we meet again--

~Nicho

New Set of Lyrics

This is something I wrote earlier today.


The Short End of the Stick

I filter the thoughts running through my head
Choosing the ones that I want to stick with me
Inevitably I end up with the lies instead
Making me into someone I don’t want to be

I end up…

Trading favors for debts
Trading nothing for less
Falling apart at the seams
Falling apart in my dreams

I watch through my glasses tinted black
Trying to feel my way through the dark
Waiting for all of my bones to crack
Looking for the scars to leave their mark

I end up…

Trading favors for debts
Trading nothing for less
Falling apart at the seams
Falling apart in my dreams

I’ve been looking down for so long
I didn’t realize
Something was terribly wrong
With my eyes
I wiped my glasses clean
To my surprise
I found a brand new scene
It was a brand new me

Trading favors for debts
Trading nothing for less
Falling apart at the seams
Falling apart in my dreams


--Until we meet again--

~Nicho

Here I Am

So I haven't posted anything on this blog in about 5 months. Whoops. And what I am posting today will probably seem cheap, but let me ease back in. Sheesh.

So here are the top 10 bands I am listening to right now...in no particular order. I will be back with more interesting and pertinent (maybe) stuff later. Until that time...enjoy:

1. Dream Pilots
2. Future of Forestry
3. Crystal Method
4. The Doves
5. Tyrone Wells
6. Matt Nathanson
7. Alexi Murdoch
8. Josh Threlkeld
9. Everly
10. Death Cab for Cutie

--Until we meet again--

~Nicho

New Blog

I have created a new blog to post my lyrics and lyrics that I really like and find inspiring and such. The blog is: www.catharticlyrics.com

I hope you enjoy. Maybe even follow it. So yeah,

~Nicho

The Driving Adventure of the Season

Friday Night:

10pm: Drove to Burbank airport to pick up my friend Tim from the airport. He flew down to drive back up to Oregon with me.

Saturday:
9am: Woke up and packed myself up to prepare to the journey ahead.

12:30pm: We head out on the 101 North toward San Francisco. The drive is fairly uneventful until we reach San Fran.
6:30pm: Arrived in SF and tried to find the hotel where Alex was staying. Eventually (about a half an hour later) we are successful. On this particular night in SF there just so happens to be thousands of people milling about and driving around, making it quite difficult to get to our destination.
7:00pm: Finally get to the hotel and meet up with Alex. We walk down to the mall and eat delicious Thai food for dinner after searching for an open table for nearly fifteen minutes. It was so busy that we had to be quick on our toes in order to snag a table where the previous patrons are just standing up.

8:00pm: Head over to Union Square to check out the Christmas Tree and ice skaters.  We made sure we got our free hugs on the way.  

We hang out for a bit, take a couple pictures and take in the scene.

8:30pm: We leave Union Square and figure we will drive around SF to explore the city and see if we can't find Lomba

rd Street (particularly the zig-zag part) and Fisherman's Wharf.  So 

we drive around for quite a while and end up finding our way up to Coit Tower.

This is on the famous Telegraph Hill.  The view from the tower is absolutely amazing.

We decide we can't leave without having a little oddball fun, so of course we document our enjoyment.

And then we found this:

This is what we have dubbed El baño de muerte and I will explain.  We were walking around and saw this ovalish room that intrigued us, so we went to check it out.  It turned out to be a bathroom and when we approached it the door shut...with no one inside.  And the little display said, "Occupied, please wait."  Again, no one was in the bathroom. 

So it remains closed and Tim hits a button on the side of the room.  Suddenly the lights go out inside and an automated female voice starts talking.  It was too muffled to make out what she was saying except for at one point where she says something about "Put your hair under *muffled* to wash it."  And then we notice there is a red light flashing inside.  The lady stops speaking and a few minutes later the door suddenly opens.  The lights remain off except for the flashing red light.  At this point all three of us are a little freaked out and looking for the hidden cameras.  Suddenly the door starts to shut and a loud siren sounds.  We walk away and an elderly couple walks up to the bathroom and it acts perfectly normal...like a real automated bathroom.  Of course.

So we leave Coit Tower and find our way to Lombard Street and zig-zag our way down the street, all of us thinking we could live right there on that street and be quite content.  We also decide it would be a good idea to drive down the steepest streets in SF, which were ridiculously steep.

We were on one of these particular streets when this guy on a motorcycle decided he needed to pass us...and flip us off at the same time.  Then, he decided he didn't want to be in our lane, so he stopped in the middle of the lane, looked back at us, flipped us off again and then zoomed off down the street.  Go figure.

11:30pm: We drop Alex back off at her hotel, sad to say goodbye to her and SF.  Definitely the best part of the whole trip.  We drive over the Golden Gate Bridge and continue our journey home.

Sunday:

11:00am: We have to pull to the shoulder and put chains on the car, because of what is awaiting us once we hit Salem and beyond.  The last fifty miles are driven on pure ice...at thirty miles an hour.  And once we get home it starts to snow again.  

Thus was the journey we experienced on our way home.

"Two whoppin' bucks!"

Agenda-less Evangelism

I wish we could all live without agendas. Unfortunately, for many of us, agendas have been ingrained into us at a very young age. Our agendas fuel us, our relationships, our needs, our desires, etc. If this life is truly about relationship and loving God and each other, any agenda you may have screws that up. It puts a taint on the purity of it.

Anytime you are in relationship with someone because of what they might be able to do for you, you have an agenda. Anytime you enter a situation and hoist your flag about an issue that really has nothing to do with the situation you have an agenda. Anytime you praise yourself for what you’ve done or make people aware of what you are capable of it reflects an agenda.

Whether it be the agenda of feeling successful in the eyes of others, or the agenda of getting some goodies, or whatever else, having an agenda is a manipulation of a situation to make it advantageous for yourself.

I am definitely guilty of having agendas. I want that to change, so more and more I am attempting to just ‘be’ with people. I am learning that I don’t have to convince people of anything. I don’t have to hang around power and influence in order to pick up the ‘benefits’; I can just exist in a relationship with someone because of respect for the wonder of who they ‘are’.

For instance: I “attend” a “church” (Jesus club) where there are many influential people in the entertainment industry. I am talking about famous actors and actresses, directors, producers, musicians, agents, comedians, etc. I could very easily have an agenda, because I really want to get into the entertainment industry, but I am at peace around these people and I don’t want anything from them other than relationship. I have been invited to go golfing with some people and have been invited to a premiere for a movie and both times something has happened that has prevented it from happening. And although there is that slight twinge of disappointment, it is fleeting, because I didn’t expect to receive these invitations. I had no agenda to try and fish for the invitations so when an invitation is presented it is truly a gift.

What do I mean by agenda-less evangelism? So often we make a plan through a Jesus club (that’s a topic for a whole other blog entry) or with friends or whoever else to go win people over to Christ. And that is in the forefront of our mind when we set off. Our goal...agenda...is to get people to give their lives to Christ. I am all for people turning to God and I believe we are to show Christ to people. I just think that when our agenda of conversion gets in the way of loving people, we taint the relationship we are called to have with people.

If you look at Jesus and the rag-tag group of people that followed him and that he hung out with, not once did he have an Evangelistic agenda. He loved them and showed His Father’s affection to them so they were intrigued into a relationship with Him.

If Jesus would have called out to his apostles to follow Him by saying something about how they needed God in their lives or they would go to Hell (yes, this is a generalization, but often we use this agenda to get people on ‘our side’) I doubt any of the future apostles would have dropped everything and followed Him. Instead Jesus looks out and says, “Hey, you like to fish? Come with me and I will make you fishers of men.” Now that is intriguing. Was Jesus trying to peddle an agenda? On the contrary, I think he was offering a relationship right where each person was. It was agenda-less evangelism.

When you go to evangelize to the world, you don’t have to give Jesus a plug every few minutes. He’s not the latest rapper who has to remind you who he is. By the way you interact with people and love people they will be invited into this relationship you already have with the Father. What you are doing is opening a door and saying, “Hey, the door is open and I want you to meet someone intriguing and wonderful.” And in that way you can turn people on to this concept of a God you are so in love with that you want others to meet Him. And at the same time you are building a relationship with a person instead of making them a statistic.

My favorite comedian has a bit on one of his stand-up CD’s where he says, “Well, I would like everyone to be comfortable tonight, so I’d like to talk to you about Jesus.” Unfortunately a lot of times that is our agenda. If we are living truly in love with God, people will see this.

God says that He has come to live inside of us and as we realize the love He has for us and are able to rest in that, there is no way our physical body can contain His glory. It will come out and people will notice and you won’t have to give a rapper’s introduction for God.

Agendas don’t benefit anyone in the long run. Maybe for a time you feel benefited, but the feeling is tainted and eventually you need to return to another agenda to fill the hole the last one left in you. God is faithful and does not deny you the desires of your heart. You don’t have to manipulate the details to get what God has for you. Live in Him and let Him take care of the details.

—Until next time--

~Nicho